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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Why I Sometimes Think My Life is a Poorly Written Comedy Show

Today I'm taking a break from my usual posting schedule to bring you:

My Trip to the Emergency Room!

Tuesday, 5PM: I started work, which for me consists of having a radio and cellphone in order to be one of the overnight on-call people for the apartments that are on my campus. Basically when someone is too loud, I go yell at them. Or when someone can't flush their toilet properly, I call the on-call maintenance. I'm the next step up from a Resident Advisor. 

6PM-10PM: I had a normal "duty" night (this what we call it in my Housing Department). I just hang around my apartment and read or watch TV. That night I was watching Pretty Little Liars.Yes, I pretty much watched for 4 hours.

10PM:  I vomited. My brain just went, "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK." Because I'm not supposed to leave campus while I'm duty. AND, I also had a job interview in the morning at 9AM. So yeah, seeing vomit on my bathroom floor made me say, "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK." And truthfully, at first I tried to ignore it. I cleaned it up and didn't say anything to my boyfriend. But, I then vomited and cried out in pain for 3 hours. 

11PM-Wednesday, 2AM: Truth be told, I'm a little bit of a hypochondriac. So I thought I had an appendicitis. My boyfriend laid next to me in bed saying, "You just have the flu, or food poisoning." While I read the symptoms of appendicitis out to him from my iPhone, and I sent a text to my best friends about whether or not I should go to the hospital. 

2AM: I finally called my parents, who told me they were glad it was me and not my aunt calling to say my grandma was dead. They also told me to go to sleep. Which I tried to do. 

3AM- 5AM: I had enough of the pain and decided to go to the ER. But my boyfriend refused to take me (don't worry, he paid for this later). I called my best friend and she was fine with taking me. But before we left my friend, Kate first called the person on duty who is the next step up from my job, and pretty much just said, "I'm taking Emily to the ER, she's been vomiting all night." He was probably confused, because I had called earlier that night to say I was leaving work early in the morning for a job interview... Kate then had to drive my car while I vomited my stomach acid into a bag. When we got there she checked me in and filled out all my paperwork while I cried into the hospital chair. 

Eventually they put me in a hospital bed and the nurse started to give me an IV since I was dehydrated from vomiting up everything in my body but blood and organs. But I started to pass out so I needed to lie down. The movement made the nurse nick my vein or something, because suddenly I had blood all over my arm and dripping onto my shirt. Truthfully, I didn't realize how much blood it was was until the morning. But I didn't see that nurse for the rest of the night... 

Kate and I then laid there (well, I laid in the bed; she sat in a chair) unable to change the channel from "The Newborn Channel." We learned how to both properly breast feed and bathe a newborn baby. All while listening to crazy man in the hallway telling a nurse or doctor, "My brain is moving too fast" so he could get some medication. Kate was too tired, and I was too delirious to realize how strange this all was until later. We saw a lot of nipples...

5AM: I was sent home with a diagnosis of having a simple stomach virus and prescription for anti-nausea medication they give to cancer patients going through chemo. 

9AM: Needless to say, I missed my job interview.  

But hey, at least I now have my first entry about my memories of being a soulless ginger. 

2 comments:

  1. Maybe you have no soul because you threw it up. And we should start holding our own breastfeeding seminars because I think we could. Except there was no sound...

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    Replies
    1. When the babies cry we'll give be like, "This wasn't in the training video..."

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