The Day I Unintentionally Became Peggy Olson

You've all dreamt of it, but it happened to me: 

I lived a day that was like an episode of Mad Men. 

But it was less fun because I played early episodes Peggy, not how she is now. 

Well this story begins with how I originally missed a job interview because I was vomiting all night due to a stomach virus. I rescheduled because thankfully, a trip to the ER is a good enough excuse.

So Tuesday (now a week ago), I woke up and got my current job's duties out of the way. I got dressed in the outfit that I had not one, but THREE people approve of. My best friend Nikki, though, told me I really needed a blazer in order to look the most professional.

I drove 45 minutes to meet up with the recruiter. His name is, wait for it, Draper. David Draper. Yeah, when I first met him I had the hardest time not making a Mad Men reference. But I kept it in, because I bet he hates the amount people mention it to him.

I arrived in the city early and stopped to pee in a Panda Express. Then I regretted it, what if I smelt like soy sauce!?

Well, Draper's secretary had me fill out an application. But there was also a blond, sitting and filling out an application. It discouraged me, but I carried on. But, then yet another woman came in and asking for Mr. Draper. Then, a few minutes later yet another girl came in and began filling out her application. Then one by one, the girls and I were called into the same room to fill out a personality test. No joke. Apparently this is normal. Then Draper came, and we had to take a math and vocabulary test. It reminded me of the high school exit exam. "If Sally had 348 marbles, but Bobby takes 129, how many does Sally have left?" Why are we even thinking about this for a consultant position? Did I not realize this was the CIA?

After the test, we were once again taken one by one to the front lobby. Then one by one for the actual interview, and of course, I was last. The interview went well from what I could tell, and he invited me back to meet the head of training. But then he Joan'd me:

"Now, I'm going to give you advice I give every college graduate. So don't take this the wrong way...but...you need to dress better."

Basically, my best friend was right. I need a damn blazer. Overall, I was there for over 2 hours and my random mix CD played SNL's Natalie Portman Rap when I got back in the car. So I'll take that as a good sign.

Why I Sometimes Think My Life is a Poorly Written Comedy Show

Today I'm taking a break from my usual posting schedule to bring you:

My Trip to the Emergency Room!

Tuesday, 5PM: I started work, which for me consists of having a radio and cellphone in order to be one of the overnight on-call people for the apartments that are on my campus. Basically when someone is too loud, I go yell at them. Or when someone can't flush their toilet properly, I call the on-call maintenance. I'm the next step up from a Resident Advisor. 

6PM-10PM: I had a normal "duty" night (this what we call it in my Housing Department). I just hang around my apartment and read or watch TV. That night I was watching Pretty Little Liars.Yes, I pretty much watched for 4 hours.

10PM:  I vomited. My brain just went, "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK." Because I'm not supposed to leave campus while I'm duty. AND, I also had a job interview in the morning at 9AM. So yeah, seeing vomit on my bathroom floor made me say, "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK." And truthfully, at first I tried to ignore it. I cleaned it up and didn't say anything to my boyfriend. But, I then vomited and cried out in pain for 3 hours. 

11PM-Wednesday, 2AM: Truth be told, I'm a little bit of a hypochondriac. So I thought I had an appendicitis. My boyfriend laid next to me in bed saying, "You just have the flu, or food poisoning." While I read the symptoms of appendicitis out to him from my iPhone, and I sent a text to my best friends about whether or not I should go to the hospital. 

2AM: I finally called my parents, who told me they were glad it was me and not my aunt calling to say my grandma was dead. They also told me to go to sleep. Which I tried to do. 

3AM- 5AM: I had enough of the pain and decided to go to the ER. But my boyfriend refused to take me (don't worry, he paid for this later). I called my best friend and she was fine with taking me. But before we left my friend, Kate first called the person on duty who is the next step up from my job, and pretty much just said, "I'm taking Emily to the ER, she's been vomiting all night." He was probably confused, because I had called earlier that night to say I was leaving work early in the morning for a job interview... Kate then had to drive my car while I vomited my stomach acid into a bag. When we got there she checked me in and filled out all my paperwork while I cried into the hospital chair. 

Eventually they put me in a hospital bed and the nurse started to give me an IV since I was dehydrated from vomiting up everything in my body but blood and organs. But I started to pass out so I needed to lie down. The movement made the nurse nick my vein or something, because suddenly I had blood all over my arm and dripping onto my shirt. Truthfully, I didn't realize how much blood it was was until the morning. But I didn't see that nurse for the rest of the night... 

Kate and I then laid there (well, I laid in the bed; she sat in a chair) unable to change the channel from "The Newborn Channel." We learned how to both properly breast feed and bathe a newborn baby. All while listening to crazy man in the hallway telling a nurse or doctor, "My brain is moving too fast" so he could get some medication. Kate was too tired, and I was too delirious to realize how strange this all was until later. We saw a lot of nipples...

5AM: I was sent home with a diagnosis of having a simple stomach virus and prescription for anti-nausea medication they give to cancer patients going through chemo. 

9AM: Needless to say, I missed my job interview.  

But hey, at least I now have my first entry about my memories of being a soulless ginger.